Journey to "My White River"Again
I suppose that is the title. Every year I try very hard to revisit this place that so enchanted me a few years ago. It really is in the middle of no where, but I feel and know I am somewhere when I arrive at Silver Falls. It is a remote, yet newly restored rest area about 45 miles from Lubbock, TX. Lubbock is not a place of beauty. It is a heap of people living in little houses with families that go through the motions of waking, working, eating and sleeping. It is such an average place, but right down the road a bit is a place of peace and character. Of course, the state of Texas felt this little remote rest area needed a face lift. The old ancient walkways of steps and paths have been replaced with new ones. Yes, I will agree I loved the new air conditioned restrooms. That place was so hot from the blazing North Texas sun when I was there a few days ago. It really is a place of loneliness though, but the waterfall and the little White River distracts this lonely heart when I visit that place of beauty.
I arrived in the afternoon and waited in the heat to watch a sunset from my secret perch of rocks and desert like plant life. The signs posted everywhere say "Watch out for snakes". That did make me very nervous. My little lizard friend was there by the ledge and the crack in the rock that makes a good hiding place for special messages. I did leave a message in a bottle in a crack in a large rock pile. I climbed that heap of rock to the top. There is something special about that rocky sunset-watching ledge.
It is as if someone or many someone's have been drawn there. It is a place to pour your heart out if it is too full. It is a place to cry out to the heavens when you feel your heart is empty.You can hear the sounds of that haven, like distant traffic noises, birds, and other visitors that don't know about this sunset perch. I could hear my heart beating inside of me. I found a lone hawk feather there that I felt was a sign or a gift so I put it in my hatband. I wonder how many Indians stood on the ledge and looked around and prayed or hunted from that perch.
My heart has been beating loudly theses days. I suppose I will get my note pad from that day and review the words I wrote as I drove there and as I walked those paths. I usually write a poem or a song each visit. The White River slowly moves through there. The river water is dirty because there is not a good flow of water. No rain in the area is very sad to me because I come from a place of "rain." It is as if a rain cloud finds me where ever I go and pours drops of moisture on me. I love rain. Rain is very important to me.
It did not rain on me that day at Silver Falls. I couldn't even draw the rain to that thirsty place. I know I should find a happier place to reflect, but I go anyway, even though it is mostly painful to me. Many lonely hearts and lovers have been there. You can see their carvings on the rock walls....their names, the dates and words of love. I never believed in defacing nature. Sure, I would have quite a lot to say and crave, but those feelings stay inside me until I write a song or a poems. The heart IS a lonely hunter.
Now I am back from my journey and of course it has left me moody and I have that old empty feeling again. I know God has His hand on me and my life. I just go through the motions and the emotions of my life and hope one day God will give me the love of my life. I never really had one.
No one has really loved me forever yet. I guess my heart is longing for someone to hold me.
"Someday over the rainbow"......I still believe love will find me because nothing is stronger than the power of Love. Love will have to find me because I have been looking and yearning for all of my life and still am not satisfied. I suppose sometimes I'm annoying to some. I just don't know how to NOT love. I have so much love bottled up inside me. I can feel the pressure of this power wanting to pour out. So far songs and poems and friendships help keep the pressures down so I don't explode with so much love. :-)
I pray everyone finds the end of their rainbow. That is where all the treasures of the heart
lie waiting for the thirsty soul and hungry heart. I saw a rainbow yesterday in Boerne, TX. It was a full rainbow with it's brillant colors and an awesome light show of the power of a rainstorm.
May each day you walk through be full of God's light and may your heart be filled with love and be satisfied. "Someday over the rainbow."
Rich blessings to you,
Nancy G "Firefly"
www.nancy-heartmusic.com
My White River
By Nancy G. Brundrett
Copyright 2003
Take me back, river
Long ago you when you first captured my heart
Your peaceful gentleness calls to me each day
In silence, I rest my soul upon your sunsets perch
From your banks remembering a moment in time with no ending
My White River
Take me back, river
Love me softly as you embrace my heart
Even from our beginning I wasn't aware
True love flows like your surreal stream
Ever present, never forgotten, your waters still move
My White River
Take me back, river
Each visit reveals yearnings of an empty heart
Standing alone timelessly will you help me understand?
Just how do you hold me without holding?
How do I touch you through the green glass?
My White River
Take me back, river
As I cross your bridge, the highest rock beckons to my heart
Why am I incomplete & alone as the sun sets in your sky?
Did my inner cry pour out and hide in the cleft for your eyes only?
Will your unknown affection ever be strong enough to free me?
My White River
Take me back, river
Find me, my words seemed lost but now found in your heart
Carefully placed, endlessly waiting for you only
We were one heartbeat again only for that moment, alone together
When our time stood still as we called out to the heavens
My White River
Take me back, river
Keep reaching for me until you heal this heart
Be my compass, guide my quest as I struggle to climb in this journey
Seemingly never free, this painful cup is hard to take
But I will drink of your bittersweet healing waters
My White River
ŠNancy G. Brundrett 2003-2004
All rights reserved
